Information for Engaged Couples
Desiring to be Married at St. Anthony of Padua Church

Introduction
    Congratulations on your engagement! I pray that this time of preparation for your marriage will be one in which you allow Jesus Christ more and more into your relationship, as he tries to prepare you for the day when he will join you in one flesh for the rest of your lives.
    I have prepared this brochure in the hope that it will assist you in planning for a wedding here at St. Anthony’s. It seeks to answer many commonly-asked questions and to offer direction where it could be helpful as you prepare to celebrate this sacrament. Please hold on to this as you prepare for the various stages between now and your wedding date. Please know of my prayers that God who has begun this good work in you will bring it to completion! — Fr. Roger J. Landry, Pastor

In Preparation for Your Marriage
Booking a date — Before trying to book a facility for a wedding reception, the couple needs to meet with me so that I may assess that there are no obvious obstacles toward moving ahead with marriage preparation. Diocesan guidelines require the couple to come to see the priest at least eight months before the desired date for the wedding. Once each person’s freedom to marry is established, I can book a date for you. Weddings are normally scheduled on Saturday with a start time between 11 am and 1:30 pm, but they can be scheduled on Fridays or other days of the week. Because of the very full weekend Mass schedule at the parish, only one wedding can be scheduled on a given Saturday and no weddings can be celebrated on Sunday, unless, by rare exception, the couple would want to get married within the context of one of our regularly-scheduled Sunday Masses.

Marriage Preparation at St. Anthony  — As a couple you will meet with me several times to prepare for marriage. The number of meetings may vary according to your initial state of preparation, particular things that arise over the course of the preparation, your requests for more meetings, and other factors. Since every couple is different, marriage preparation will vary slightly from couple to couple. Part of this preparation will involve several short-answer essays, to help me to meet you where you’re at and try to help God bring you to where he wants you to be on the day of wedding. The couple will also have to take the FOCCUS Inventory, which is marriage preparation instrument used throughout the Diocese of Fall River. About three weeks after taking the FOCCUS, you will meet with me again to go over the results. The FOCCUS should be taken and discussed before the weekend you attend the Diocesan Marriage Preparation Course.

Engaged Encounter Retreat Program — Every couple getting married iat any of the Catholic Churches in the Diocese of Fall River is required to do a marriage preparation course. These classes usually admit no more than 25 couples and fill quickly. Couples getting married at St. Anthony's are required to do the Engaged Encounter Program, which begins on Friday night and finishes on Sunday afternoon. This is much more formative than the one-day-eight-hour programs that are sometimes offered. The Engaged Encounter may be done through the Diocese of Fall River at the Family Life Center in N. Dartmouth (www.familyfallriver.org/engaged.asp ) - which occurs only once or twice a year - or through the Engaged Encounter offered via any other Diocese (see: www.engagedencounter.org/D1dates.asp). Many of these weekends, offered through the Archdiocese of Boston or the Diocese of Fall River, occur in Framingham, which is just an hour's drive from New Bedford. A couple is encouraged to do the program as soon as possible

Sacramental Certificates — Catholics preparing for marriage must secure a Baptismal certificate issued within six months prior to the wedding and a Confirmation certificate of any date of issue. If you were not baptized and confirmed at St. Anthony’s, you should contact the Church where they received these sacraments and ask them for the long-form of a baptismal certificate and a confirmation certificate. This should be done about six months prior to your wedding. If a Catholic has not yet been confirmed, this should be brought up with the priest so that the person can enroll in a Confirmation preparation program prior to the wedding.

Marriage License — Anyone who marries in Massachusetts must have a marriage license issued in Massachusetts. An out-of-state license cannot be used. You must jointly file your intentions to marry and you may do so with the city or town clerk anywhere in the Commonwealth. The license is valid for sixty days from the date the intentions are filed and may be used in any Massachusetts city or town. Please bring the marriage license to the rectory soon after you have obtained it. The rehearsal cannot proceed, and the wedding cannot take place, without the license.

Other Paperwork — If either of you has been previously civilly married, you will need to provide me with a copy of their civil marriage certificate. If either of you has been previously wed to a third party, a copy of your spouse’s death certificate or a declaration of nullity from a Church tribunal will need to be given to me before I can even book a date for your wedding. If you need to petition for a declaration of nullity, I will be happy to help you.

Marriage to a non-Catholic — If one of the engaged parties is not Catholic, we will need to seek a dispensation from the Bishop of the Diocese of Fall River. In the dispensation process, the Catholic party has to make the promise to continue to practice the Catholic faith and do everything in his or her power to raise children Catholic, and the non-Catholic party has to acknowledge that he or she is aware that the Catholic party is under these obligations. If the couple would want to involve non-Catholic clergy in the wedding ceremony, this should be discussed with me early in the process. I am obviously happy to answer whatever questions you have relative to these matters and guide you through it. There is also the option for a marriage ceremony without a Mass if, because of the large number of non-Catholics in attendance, we come to the conclusion that that would be wiser.

Visiting Priests — If you would like to have a Roman Catholic priest who is a relative or a friend of the family celebrate your wedding, I will generally be very accommodating. You would need to speak to him in order to ask him if he is available. If he is available, you could then request that I grant him delegation (permission) to celebrate your wedding. If the priest is from outside the state of Massachusetts, he must obtain a commission from the Commonwealth prior to the ceremony by writing to: Division of Public Records, Department of the State Secretary, One Ashburton Place, Room 1701, Boston, MA 02108. The telephone number to that office is (617) 727-2836.

Your Wedding Celebration
Nuptial Mass — Most weddings at our parish are celebrated in English, but I’m happy for good reasons to celebrate your Nuptial Mass in Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, French or Latin if you request it. At one of our initial meetings, I will give you a booklet which contains all the prayers, Scripture Readings and other options available to you for the Nuptial Mass, so that you can pray over those readings and make appropriate requests.

Lectors — If you would like to have someone from your family, friends or wedding party read one of the readings from Sacred Scripture, I am very open to this. The person needs to be a practicing Catholic who should be someone who has proclaimed Sacred Scripture in Church before or at least has the poise and skills capable of proclaiming God’s word well in front of others. You can request someone  to read the First Reading, the Responsorial Psalm (if you do not want this to be sung) the Second Reading (if you want to have a second reading) and the Prayers of the Faithful. If approved, you should provide the lectors with a couple of the readings to practice ahead of time.

Wedding Party — Any friend or relative may be part of the wedding party, serving as a bridesmaid or groomsman. Two principal witnesses need to be designated by you, often referred to as the “Best Man” and the “Maid (Matron) of Honor.” It is not required that these persons be Roman Catholics. The couple should prepare a written list of the proposed order of their wedding procession and give it to about a month before the wedding rehearsal.

Wedding Reception — If you are trying to save expenses on your wedding to have more money for your marriage - a laudable choice - please know that the use of our newly renovated hall is available to you if you have a Friday night or Saturday morning wedding.

Music — St. Anthony’s parish is famous for the beauty of its liturgical music.  You should contact our parish music director and organist, Mr. Thomas Sargent, soon after booking your date to make arrangements for music (email: TSargentSr@aol.com; telephone: 508.995.4191) He normally is available after Mass on Saturday afternoon to meet with you to go over musical selections. Because of the sacred nature of the Mass and the sacrament of marriage., all wedding music must be sacred in character and approved by Mr. Sargent in consultation with me. His normal wedding stipend is $150. We are also blessed with several excellent cantors at St. Anthony’s, who normally meet with the couple at the same time they meet with Mr. Sargent. The normal fee for the cantor for the wedding Mass is $125. Envelopes will be provided for both the organist and the parish cantor; checks should be made directly to them (or made out to “cash”) and given to them or me at least three months prior to the wedding. If you have a family member or a friend who cantors at another Church — or would like to have additional musicians like trumpeters or violinists play at your wedding — you may request permission from Mr. Sargent and me. If extra practice time is required between Mr. Sargent and visiting cantors or musicians, a modest fee for Mr. Sargent’s time will be necessary. Because of the historic value of our recently-restored 1912 Casavant Frères organ, it would be rare that we would grant requests for other organists to play for your wedding. In those rare circumstances, Mr. Sargent would still need to approve the music and would still receive his wedding fee, since he would need to be present to help the other organist adapt to our organ. 

Flowers & Decorations  — Couples are permitted to purchase flowers to adorn the Church for their wedding ceremony. The flowers brought to the Church about an hour before the wedding and should remain in the Church following the ceremony, to continue to adorn the Church during the weekend Masses. Flowers can be placed next to it on gilded stands the Church will provide.  Pew bows are permitted provided that they are tied with ribbons or elastics; plastic or metal bow holders are not permitted. Aisle runners are not permitted, nor are drapes on any of the pews where people will be seated.. For safety reasons and out of respect for the sanctity of God’s house, the throwing of rice, confetti, flower petals, bird seed, or the blowing of bubbles, within the Church or outside it cannot be allowed.

Lights — It is possible, if a couple requests it, that the more than 5000 decorative lights adorning St. Anthony’s may be turned on for their wedding. The fees for the lights are as follows: all the lights, $300; the middle aisle alone, $150, the main altar, $50. These fees go almost entirely to the NStar, to cover the considerable energy expense need to run the lights. An envelope for this option will be provided to the couple. If they desire this option, a check made out to St. Anthony of Padua Parish should be delivered to the rectory at least three months prior to the wedding.

Parish Donation  — Many Catholic parishes ask couples to give the Church a donation of about ten percent of the total cost of their reception. This is a means by which the couple can thank and further the work of Jesus, who joins them in one flesh, and who founded the Church to continue his saving work. I would like to encourage couples to pray together about their contribution to the Church and be as generous as they can. Because many couples still ask what would be the minimal expectation, I would say that it would be $150 for couples who are registered parishioner s, who practice the faith each Sunday at St. Anthony’s and support the parish, and $500 for all other couples. A check made out to St. Anthony of Padua Parish should be brought to the rectory at least three months before the wedding. If a couple in particular financial difficulties is trying to have a very simple wedding, I am happy to discuss with them a fitting way to say thanks to God.

Photographers — Still and video cameras are allowed during the ceremony, but only professional photographers will be allowed near the sanctuary area. Advise your hired photographer and/or videographer to confer with me (or the priest celebrating your wedding) at least 20 minutes before the wedding begins so that they will fully understand the limitations imposed by the dignity and sacredness of the Marriage Liturgy. It is not possible to use the Church for posed photographs after the ceremony.

Unity Candle — The use of the unity candle, a promotion of candle manufacturers that has never been part of the Catholic marriage rite, is discouraged. Many parishes do not allow it because of the confusion it engenders, as most people think it symbolizes the union of two families, which, however desirable, is not an effect of the sacrament of marriage. If a couple strongly desires to use the unity candle in to symbolize the union of their baptismal vocations in the one-flesh union of the sacrament of marriage, they may speak about it with me.

Limousines — It is imperative that the nuptial Mass begin on time. Arrangements with any limousine companies should be made to ensure that the bride-to-be arrives at the Church at least ten minutes before Mass is to begin. If the same limousine will be dropping off the groom-to-be and his groomsmen, it should deliver them at least 45 minutes prior to the beginning of the nuptial Mass.

Marriage Preparation Documents

Readings for the Nuptial Mass— A great way to prepare spiritually for marriage is to go over Scriptural readings from the Marriage Rite together and ask each other what you think God is saying to you about the great gift of marriage you are, God-willing, about to receive. Couples are also encouraged to pray over these readings and make suggestions about which ones they would like to have for your wedding Mass. You can request for your wedding Mass one reading from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament Epistles, one from the Gospel, and one from among the responsorial psalms, if the psalm will not be sung at your wedding. A couple is always able, as well, to request for your wedding Mass a reading from another part of Sacred Scripture. To see the readings of the marriage rite, please click here and a pdf file will all the readings will be downloaded by your browser.

Wedding Procession Sheet — This sheet is intended to help couples prepare for their wedding rehearsal and Mass procession. To download a copy of this, please click here.

Marriage Rite Proper — It is a good practice for all those preparing for marriage to study the words of the marriage rite, praying over them and asking God for the grace to be able to put oneself fully into the meaning of the words. The words of the marriage rite are also useful for those couples who want to memorize their words of consent and the exchange of rings. To download a copy of the marriage rite in pdf form, please click here.

Checklist for the Couple — This sheet will help engaged couples preparing for marriage at St. Anthony's to stay on top of the marriage and wedding preparation process. To download a copy, please click here